Shadow Work for Dummies VI
Doing all this shadow work is exhausting.
It seems like it is never going to end.
Just when I think the gloom is clearing and the shadow is lightening, the skies are clearing and there’s light at the end of the tunnel (pick your metaphor), a deepening darkness descends, and I’m plunged into the shadow once more.
Despair. Hopelessness. Frustration. Anxiety (will this ever end?). Anger (when will this s*** end??). Shame (it must be me. I’m to blame). Etc.
Our shadow-side insists on making itself known. It grows and seems to take over. Events confirm: we do have this shadow: the unlovable, socially unacceptable, difficult, negative, trauma-based part of our psyche.
As difficulties multiply, inner turmoil intensifies. We’re turned upside down: inside out. Hours and days stretch into weeks, months and often into the next year.
We do our best. We seek therapy. We attend yoga classes or support groups or 12-Step groups. We discover, or rediscover, spiritual practices. We search for answers, for relief.
Why did he leave? Why did the job end? Why can’t I find a new one? Why is my child sick (or my friend, my parent)? Why am I sick?
Why did this tragedy come into my life and disrupt everything? A natural or human-caused disaster.
The dog died. A long-time friend isn’t talking to me anymore. My boss is freezing me out. A cherished heirloom is broken. My phone is stolen or lost.
Everyone can relate to these life-circumstances. We’ve all had them, or if we haven’t, we all will… eventually. It’s “life on life’s terms” as we often hear in Recovery meetings. We practice “radical acceptance” a way to keep pain from turning into suffering.
Some people have personalities that allow them to meet these life-shaping events with some grace. They feel their feelings, stoically take action when they can, and accept what they can’t do anything about. And their life shifts – or their attitude shifts. They come out the other side of the storm and go on, changed, wiser and without too much angst and torment.
That’s not me, and that is not (I would guess) many people.
Most of us are more like Job (the poster child for a “sea of troubles”). When successive tragedies strike and his livestock, his servants, and all ten of his children have perished in natural disasters or by being attacked, his life falls apart.
Job goes through all of the expected emotions: he curses the day he was born. He compares the twin states of life and death to being in the light and wishes his birth had been shrouded in darkness. He wants to have even never been born.
And the light of life? That makes the misery even more miserable!
Remember the quote from Goethe? "Where there is much light, the shadow is deep."
Job in deep despair, tears off his clothes and shaves his head. His lament is legendary. Alfred Lord Tennyson, Poet Laureate of England, once called the book of Job "The greatest poem of ancient or modern times" and is it any wonder? It speaks to the human condition of everyone on the planet.
And naturally asks the question: Why does God allow these things to happen?
That question may plague us, but it is generally a waste of time and energy. Our focus could and should be on the more productive question:
How can this tragic/sad situation be turned to good? Rather than being a victim (which is my natural “go-to” stance), I can choose to see this as an opportunity.
In Prosperity Now! A 12-Week Journey to the Life of Your Dreams I use a question I learned from musician, songwriter and farmer, Mark Shepard to help me put these dire conditions into perspective….
And give me a much needed shot of hope!
Mark’s question is: How does this work out better than I could possibly imagine?
On page 108 I say:
Inherent in Mark’s question are the seeds of an answer: This situation… is not only going to work itself out, but it’s going to work out better than I could possibly imagine. What a promise! What a gift!
The question is a direct portal to pronoia. Asking it, we will realize that life, God, troubles, difficulties are not here to hurt us. They are here to help us heal….
During a particularly difficult time when I was going through a period of intense internal turmoil, I was given a gift: an amazing dream.
At that time nothing appeared to be going “wrong” in my life To any casual observer, I would seem to be doing well.
But on the inside, I was a mess, tormented by ghosts of past traumas that hadn’t been healed (and for the most part are still not fully healed).
In fact, a big reason that I am writing this series “Shadow Work for Dummies” is to help me! As I research and write, I am learning. I am slowly growing and changing. I am also struggling – something my sponsor tells me is not productive!
Anyway, I had a fitful night as I wrestled with my demons. Toward morning, I fell into a deep and relaxing sleep. In that sleep I had a dream, a simple dream.
In it, a group of people were singing this song to me:
HOW COULD ANYONE EVER TELL YOU YOU WERE ANYTHING LESS THAN BEAUTIFUL? HOW COULD ANYONE EVER TELL YOU YOU WERE LESS THAN WHOLE? HOW COULD ANYONE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT YOUR LOVING IS A MIRACLE? HOW DEEPLY YOU’RE CONNECTED TO MY SOUL.
© Libby Roderick Music 1988 All rights reserved.
This song written in 1988, has deep meaning for me as it has for many people across the world. If you have never heard it, click on the link to hear Libby Roderick singing her masterpiece.
In my early days of recovery I was diagnosed with HIV/AIDS, I attended a Chrysalis Ministries retreat, run by Brother Bill Stevens, a Rekii master and member of the Christian Congregation of Brothers.
These retreats for People with HIV/AIDS (PWAs) were not only a lot of fun, they were powerfully healing. During one of our large group gathering exercises, we would stand in a big circle, 60-70 people, and sing this song while looking into each other’s eyes.
With such a life-threatening diagnosis – which naturally would send anyone deep into the shadow-side of their soul – the shared experience of trauma that brought us to this place of healing and of togetherness – was intense and extremely beautiful.
In my dream, I was transported back to that place of healing love. I awoke, not cured, but relieved of the worry and anxiety I went to bed with.
I since have used Libby Roderick’s song many times, looking at people (discretely) on the metro or on the street, seeing their humanity and their spirit in place of my judgmental, angry, victimized way of seeing.
I also have used it where it is most effective: on myself in the mirror. That scared little kid, that angry teenager, that anxious 20-something that look back at me through my over-60-year-old eyes, need to hear that they are beautiful, that they are whole, that their loving is a miracle.
That they are deeply connected to my soul.
The work, it continues. I think I am emerging from the shadow.
I have hope!
Happy Sunday! (Bon dimanche),
John
HOW COULD ANYONE Words and music by Libby Roderick
© Libby Roderick Music 1988
Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Available on recording at www.libbyroderick.com
Turtle Island Records, Anchorage Alaska
libbyroderick@gmail.com 907-278-6817
I am available to do Prosperity Now! individual or group sessions or general life-coaching, I Ching readings, dream interpretation or join us for our weekly Wednesday Course in Miracles group.
Please contact me at prosperitynowlifeofdreams@yahoo.com or sign up on my website: http://www.johnafrederick.com
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