Erica (right) and Manny on the Queen Mary 2 (photo by Oliver Cruz)
I’ve been out of my element for weeks, traveling in the Northeast United States. I am blessed with several (many) friends and dear family members who I want to see and who also allow me to stay with them.
I am so blessed.
Still, it’s unsettling to be out of my element. “Couch surfing” brings up traumatic memories of when I was sans domicile at two different times in my life, living with friends, with my boxes stored in one place and my cats living with my brother and sister-in-law.
Even though I am far from those difficult days – my stuff is safely back home in Paris and my dogs are with me – the echoes are still there, and they can grow louder, given the right circumstances. Or, when I am particularly out-of-sorts and forget to practice, using my spiritual tools of gratitude, faith, acceptance, love, joy, peace, contentment, enthusiasm, patience… etc.
These things can be feelings that arise and fall at the whim of circumstance, but they don’t have to be.
These are also qualities of Spirit that we can consciously choose. We can use, cultivate, strengthen and activate them with mindfulness, practice and repetition, in the face of or despite outward circumstances.
If I am dependent upon what happens in the physical world to determine my mood, my feelings, I forever put myself at the whim of the mercurial, unreliable, fickle Wheel of Fortune, that has no rhyme or reason, no logic.
We see it on the daily news, and in our lives and in the lives of those around us. Things are going along great and then BAM! out of “nowhere” something happens that rockets us out of our high orbit and into the depths of despair, confusion, grief, remorse….
A part of the human experiment/experience in our time on this planet is the spiritual journey from being totally sense-based, where we seem to be one hundred percent “in the world” and “of the world.” We are consumed with the illusion that this is all there is.
Over time, we have a choice:
We can fall deeper into the abyss of the hopelessness, the futility of trying to make sense of the world.
OR
With the benefit of these very difficulties and tragedies, we begin to get an inkling that there is – there MUST BE – something more.
That we are – we MUST BE – something more.
Otherwise, what is it all for?
So far, this blog post has gone very quickly from the mundane – I’m traveling and sleeping at people’s houses – to the deepest, most existential questions that life, philosophers, mystics and sages have to offer:
But oh! boy are those two things connected, the mundane and the profound.
So, I’ve had a good trip, sailing across the Atlantic on the Queen Mary 2, fording the flooding in Brooklyn to get to my loved ones’ houses, and driving around visiting family, friends and doctors.
I got to play one gig with my fellow Milk Brother, Steve Werthner and give one talk at Unity Church in Albany on the topic, “Pretty Amazing,” which also deals with the miracles that come out of the ordinary and the extraordinary circumstances of life.
I checked in with my medical doctors and ate at my favorite restaurant in Upstate NY, Romana’s.
It’s been a good trip, but I was ready to go home. And then….
I pulled into the driveway of my ex-wife, Patty’s house on Saturday in the pouring rain. Normally, I would put the dogs down so they could walk and do their business after a long drive. But instead I decided to carry them in my arms.
Fumbling with the garage door, the dogs in my arms, I dropped my little Yorkie, Erica. She fell onto the driveway, and I heard her head hit the concrete hard!
It was a total accident, but oh! man, how stupid! She was knocked out and I could see she was hurt badly. I rushed into the house and yelled for anyone to come help. My daughter, Robin ran out and (thank God!) she was there and is good in a crisis.
We immediately piled in her car and she drove like crazy to get us to an emergency veterinarian. I really thought I had killed Erica. She was totally out of it and even peed on me while we were racing to the animal hospital.
I did Reiki on her the whole way and when we got to the vets, they were quick to take us in and get her stabilized.
It was very uncertain for a full day whether she would make it or not, but eventually she came around. By the end of Day 2 she was weakly eating out of my hand and a day after that (and an MRI to rule out any possible injuries to her neck) she was discharged.
As I write, she is sitting with her brother, Manny, on the couch at my daughters. Needless to say, I had to cancel my flight home to Paris and will rebook once the vet gives her the OK to fly.
Did I mention that, in this world, things happen suddenly? That, BAM! out of “nowhere” something happens that send us off into the depths of despair, confusion, grief, remorse….
Did I mention that when these things happen, large or small, we have a choice in how we react? How we feel about things that happen?
Of course, the process is not linear! We don’t go from despair, back to elation again. Feelings are energies, vibrations. They come in waves. We ride the wave.
Our choices are to not magnify the negative, heavy energies, and to magnify the higher vibrations. It takes practice. Life will give us opportunities to practice.
Our job is not to set it right but to, as Eric Butterworth says, see it right, whatever the outer circumstances.
My process in this whole situation went roughly something like this:
Shock.
Fear.
Anger.
Rage.
Despair.
Hopelessness.
Sadness.
Fear.
Disbelief.
Sadness.
Rage.
Grief.
Regret.
Frustration.
Hopelessness.
Discouragement.
Hope.
Remorse.
Regret.
Hopefulness.
Despondency.
Hope.
Relief.
Happiness.
Remorse.
Joy.
Etc.
The roller coaster of emotions was overwhelming. It was hard (impossible) at times to remember that I could uplift my emotions to a higher level.
Of course, we can’t go from grief to joy in one jump. But we can move up the ladder a bit. We can go from grief to, say, discouragement.
At times I was able to remember that worry and fear wouldn’t help anyone, Erica or myself. At times I was able to find some acceptance in the situation, that it was what it was, and that I couldn’t do anything about the past. I could only act and react/respond in the present moment, to whatever circumstances were presenting itself to me.
As human beings – as spiritual beings having a human experience – we are in the world, but we don’t have to be of the world. The process to move ourselves, move our minds, out of the capriciousness of the world, into the certainty, the power, of choice – that we can chose our emotions, our actions and reactions, is the process of many lifetimes.
When tragedy happens, personally or on a planetary level, we can stay grounded in our spirit and – with gentle acceptance and mindfulness – move our emotional energies up to higher levels of vibration.
We are not helpless, hopeless victims of the world. We are powerful agents of change. With these choices, we shine a light for ourselves and others and out of these choices, miracles are a natural result.
I fully believe that Erica’s tragic fall, and miraculous recovery, are a direct result of seeing it right.
Thank you, God for the opportunity to practice in all situations.
(Very) Happy Sunday,
Johnny
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