Awhile ago my daughters gave me the gift of a psychic reading. I met with the psychic and had an interesting reading. I took notes but the one thing she said that I remember was, “Your next book should be “Shadow Work for Dummies.”
At the time, I didn’t think too much about it. Interesting idea, interesting title but it didn’t speak to me at the time.
However, in retrospect, it appears prescient. Having just come through (I hope I am through) an intense 15-16 months of questioning myself and life, struggling to find meaning and seeking to change old ideas, behaviors, patterns and habits, this idea now has juice for me
Outwardly it may not have appeared to family and friends that I was going through this period of intense difficulty. And I certainly have had much worse periods that lasted much longer. Still, when one is in the tunnel, with no light at the end, one cannot know how long it will last, nor how deep it may go.
That is the nature of shadow work, something that we are all called to do at some point in our life – and often several points.
Many call it a mid-life crisis. Others call it the “dark night of the soul.” These two common ways of looking at this phase of life are as different as they could be, for they indicate the approach a person might take to meet this very challenging time. And the results will be as different as they could be.
No matter which you call your time of challenging questioning and struggle, the challenge is to do the work!
For a third way of “handling” this time of life is to ignore it. When people arrive at the entrance of the tunnel, they have no clue where they are or what’s about to come. Hence, a common reaction is to balk.
They believe (reasonably) that facing the shadow, walking voluntarily into the shadow, confronting the shadow, wrestling with the shadow, etc. will be infinitely scarier and more dangerous than avoiding, ignoring and pretending this is not happening.
It’s impossible to know what rewards lie at the other end of doing shadow work, but the rewards are among the greatest anyone could ever ask for. Besides, it is impossible to guess what rewards may await because there’s no way to know at Point A what is waiting for us at Point B (or Points C through Z).
So, mid-life crisis or dark night of the soul?
Seeing this chapter as a mid-life crisis sends the traveler into the realm of hot cars, a new love crush, new clothes and a new modern haircut.
Coping with major life changes by re-making your image is often a natural strategy to stave off the depression, confusion and anxiety the comes when your world is “falling apart.”
I went through this very thing – to disastrous results – in my early 30’s when I bought a Firebird (with T-Tops no less!) got a perm (thankfully there are no pictures that I know of) and more disastrously, left my family to come out of the closet with a new, much younger boyfriend.
However, a more effective and rewarding way to approach this stage of life is to delve deeply and courageously into the experience spiritually.
Call it a “dark night of the soul” and walk through the “valley of the shadow of death” fearing no evil.
(NOTE: Physical, financial, emotional or psychological problems are always at their depths spiritual problems requiring a spiritual solution.)
The term “Dark Night” comes from a 16th century poem by Saint John of the Cross, a Spanish monk. “Noche Oscura” (“dark night” in Spanish) describes St. John’s difficulties as he wrestles, struggles to come to some understanding of his relationship with God.
Those futile attempts to handle my early mid-life crisis with cars and haircuts and a new love interest only deepened my misery and angst. I was blessed enough to stumble (be led!) to several different spiritual paths which brought me the relief I sought – by giving me significant answers to significant existential questions that needed to be addressed.
As I write on page 7 in Prosperity Now!
When life (which is consciousness) leads us down a dead-end path, when our plans don’t pan out, when a marriage fails, when illness comes, when a job becomes a trap, when we hit a crisis – we are given a great gift in the midst of tragedy or calamity or when we are stuck in the doldrums of life…
We have an opportunity to throw away the old to make room for the new!
As one of my many sponsors, Jim E. often reminded me, “Just when I thought my life was falling apart, that was the time when things were really coming together!”
Jim spoke the truth. When we “see it right” and take the opportunity to lean into the shadow, bravely facing our worst aspects, our most difficult habits, addictions, personality traits, cherished (but clearly ineffective or destructive) beliefs, life changes for the better in miraculous ways.
When I finally come to terms with the end of (the death of) the old me, I will be at the precipice of a new dawn, a new day, a new me!
Accepting the challenge of a dark night, rather than avoiding and ignoring what life brings is a journey taken by all of us. Despite appearances, you will have all the help you need, for the asking, as you travel into the Valley of the Shadow. Fear not! Life is all coming together.
You have a lot of good things to look forward to!
Bon Dimanche
John
Next week: More Shadow Work for Dummies.
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